You Might Be a Redneck...(Vol. 1)

So I have a calendar where you get a different "You might be a redneck if..." jokes every day. Here are two of my recent favorites, mainly because they are true of me:
You might be a redneck if you've ever been injured playing ping-pong.
You might be a redneck if your idea of "getting lucky" is passing the emissions test. (Oh boy that one is true of me every August.)